letters of love reviewed by pararae

Title: Letters of Love

Author: Viper

Reviewer: Pararae

Site: http://artsyasiancrew.blogspot.com/

 

Title 3/5 the title contradict the opening of the story where Eun Hee send a hate mail instead to Jaejoong and the start of their relationship unfold there.. But since, this is not a one-shot and still on-going, maybe you haven’t reached the part where love letter came into the scene so I anticipate seeing the outcome. But the letter describes the story in overall and that’s what I like about it.

 

Forewords 5/10 your forewords are almost complete and full of content, you have, the prologue, characters, author notes and posters. However, you missed a basic detail such genre, background and length. Your forewords also look messy, maybe you should try to organize it a little so it would appear clean and easy to read.

 

Plot 19/20 I like the plot the most! It does totally tickle one’s funny bone. I just can’t stop laughing about it since I read about the letter and to the end. I see you have a good sense of humor and your plot run along that theme without making it stressfully awkward. The plot is easy and you tend to make most of the scene in coincidence like Eun Hee happen to go to the concert after sending Jaejoong an email and a photo of herself after fate turned the winning trump card when Jaejoong replied to her. This is such an amazing light story with an input of jealousy, love rivalry, and sweet friendship.

 

Originality 4/5 the story has it own significant quality in it that magnetize the reader to follow the story’s progress with anxiousness and excitement. However, the way Eun Hee and Jaejoong knows each other (by hate mail) is slightly common like how the other pairing in other stories met, by letters, phone messages, wrong phone calls etc but you manage to patch it up by making it so extraordinarily creative! The way you write your story has certain value in it that caught the reader’s attention so keep it up! ^^

 

Grammar/Spellings/Transitions 7/15 there are a lot of spelling mistakes in your story. Even though it is a minor one but if you tend to repeat it, it will impair your English skill as well as your flexibility in constructing a perfect sentence. Try to take a look at this…

 

1)     “Hi, Eun Hee. I am Kim Jaejoong form TVXQ.” You spelled “form” wrong, it is supposed to be “from” instead.

2)     “Let me see!” Junsu grabbed “he” letter out of Yunho’s hands. This is supposed to be “Let me see!” Junsu grabbed “the” letter out of Yunho’s hands.

3)     “I “as” so glad to be able “op” come home and relax.” You are supposed to write “I “am” so glad to be able “to” come home and relax.”

4)     You spelled the words “out t full day” wrong too in the sentence “tomorrow, it was back to slugging our guts out t full day rehearsals for our oncoming concert”. It is supposed to be “to” instead of “t”.

5)     You have a punctuation mistakes in these sentences “Darn it!i wonder if he’ll say anything later, maybe in his next email?” You supposed to give space after ‘!’ And write ‘i’ in capital letter because it’s a start of a new sentence.  

 

There are more of the same mistakes and I won’t list all of them down but you get the point. Try to use spell check if you’re using Microsoft Words because some of it is an actual word but it would be better if you proof-read it manually so you can spot the mistakes more precise.

 

Flow 9/10 the flow of your story is in fast pace but it fit your story well. It won’t do any good if you write it slow pace for a comedy story so I think your flow is acceptable. And everything looks alright.

 

Choice of Words/Idioms/Quotes 5/10 you tend to use a simple phrases or words instead of more complex words. Even though difficult words are not important if the readers don’t understand it but try to use some of it to improve your English skill. The flexibility of English words can be used to construct two or more words and try not to repeat the same phrases more than 2 times. Instead, use varieties of words in your story so it will appear colorful.

 

Details/Settings/Characterization 13/15 the characterization of the main character is more profound than the rest which make it a complete balance since the story move around Eun Hee’s life. She’s funny, open-minded, bubbly and out-going too which makes her character more spontaneous and interesting. Jaejoong, in the other hand is cool, uncertain for his feeling toward Eun Hee even though he already make up his mind to get Eun Hee no matter what and he is also has a normal celebrity’s attitude on wanting to run away from fans while Eun Hee’s ex-boyfriend and his funny guy friend is obviously, funny, out-going, supporting and understanding. The characterization of the most characters in your story is almost complete and the story is still on-going so I’m sure there is more to come. ^^

 

Enjoyable 9/10 I do enjoy your story and I like how it is going so far. I’m looking forward for the rest of them soon ^^ so try your best to improve and be a good writer okie…

 

Over All Score 74/100

im the girl your the boy reviewed by morning glory

Title: i’m the girl,you’re the boy

Author: guilunlover

Reviewer: morning_glory

 

 

• Title 4/5 Your title was quite interesting. But, I wonder if it will apply for the rest of the story as well. Your title is also not capitalized correctly: it should be ‘I’m the girl, you’re the boy’ AT LEAST.
• Forewords 8/10 Your forewords are pretty well written. But, you wrote that they were twins with so and so, when there were three siblings! Doesn’t that mean they’re triplets? See:

 

xiao xun
20
third sister,twin of daya and xiao man (here, shouldn’t this be triplet of Daya and Xiao Man?)
A-student,beautiful
senior classmate of xiao yu

 

• Plot 12/20 This plot doesn’t really make any sense: you wrote that mo shing and xiao lun were going to get revenge on each other, but then you made them kiss and hold hands?! That doesn’t follow anything. It seems really random. Oh, and there were some parts, where you had them change their minds immediately. Why did you do that so many times? It seems too unorganized.
•  Originality 3/5 This story isn’t exactly original, falling in love with your enemy, but since there were different characters, twists, etc, I won’t grade too harshly.
• Grammar/Spelling/Transitions 8/15 Your grammar really could use some help. I suggest that you go to season-of-mist.blogspot.com. They are really helpful; they will help you improve a lot. By the way, your characters’ names should also be capitalized, since they are names.
• Flow (speed of the story) 8/10 Your story was a bit too fast, there didn’t seem to be any time for the events to settle, you know.
• Choice of words/Idiom/quotes 7/10 You could use more colorful word choices.
• Details/Settings/Characterization  11/15 More details, on everything from settings to characters.
• Enjoyable? 7/10 I liked it, but the fact that there were many grammar problems sort of ruined it for me.
• Over All Score 68/100

EXTRAS:

Praises: This plot is really good, just clean it up a bit! :)

Any specific part or quote you like:

Needs Recommendation? Yes

the perfect you by jae reviewed by morning glory

Title: The Perfect You

Author: tubbyGENx3

Reviewer: morning_glory

 

 

• Title 5/5 The title is nice, unique, and it does stand out! At first, I didn’t really think that this would have been the best title for your story, but after I read it, I realized that it was probably the best one. J
• Forewords 10/10 Your forewords is very informative, nice summary. I like the cliffhanger you left to make readers even more interested. You described the 2 main characters, great job. J
• Plot 15/20 This plot is was kind of predictable, in that she might die, but she didn’t want to tell him, she wanted to be alone. But there were no boring or unnecessary parts that shouldn’t be there, so I felt that was good. I could tell when there was a sweet scene coming, but it was all the more sweet when you put it in detail.
• Originality 4/5 In the beginning, I thought that it was going to turn out to be one of those plots that I see a lot, where a guy meets a girl, but the girl has a mysterious illness. But there were some things that made it different: like her friend telling Jiyong instead of him finding out when she dies; the fact that his old girlfriend’s heart is now hers. These twists made it different, so great!
• Grammar/Spelling/Transitions 12/15 You had a couple of grammar and spelling problems, but nothing too bad. Maybe just go over it one more time.
• Flow (speed of the story) 10/10 The flow of the story was pretty well paced, no complaints.
• Choice of words/Idiom/quotes 10/10 Your words are well chosen, very nicely placed.
• Details/Settings/Characterization 10/15 Your details are spectacular, but I thought that your settings could have a bit more stuff. Characterization wise, you did pretty well, but maybe more of the other members of Big Bang, such as Taeyang, and Daesung. But otherwise, it was fine.
• Enjoyable? 10/10 This was a great story; it touched me, and I think that it probably touched everyone else, too. Great job, I hope to read the rest of your stories.
• Over All Score 86/100

 

EXTRAS:

 

Praises: This story touched me; such a beautiful love story, I loved it. I hope that you continue writing great stories!

Any specific part or quote you like: ”I will never find another you. I love the perfect you.” (So cute!)

Needs Recommendation? No

My everything by michelia dam reviewed by lyselmae

Title: My Everything

Author: Michelia Dam

Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/ThatOneVietGirl/

Status:

Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza @ AAC

 

*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer and/or vice versa. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.

 

Title 4/5

Your title was rather interesting. How? It’s because looking at the title, you perceive so many ideas. When I looked at it, the idea that came in to mind is that there are lovers who might lose each other, then realize that they really need each other… etc. The only thing you need to look out for is to not make the title to revealing. Like if you would create a title, make sure that it doesn’t give away the whole story. Besides that, it’s good.

 

Forewords 5/10

There was nothing thrilling in your forewords. I couldn’t see the: “WORTH WAITING FOR” part in it. Yes, it may be an interesting story when you read it, but after reading the forewords, I wouldn’t be staying tuned, even though I liked the characters you chose. The thing I liked about your forewords though, is the fact that you identified the genre. My advice is to add the missing elements like the synopsis, author’s notes, etc.

 

Plot 18/20

I liked your plot. It was interesting. At some points, I wanted to read more, but at others, I found it boring. The good thing is, you kept the story alive. Great job.

 

Originality 4/5

I may have read similar plots, but yours was different. You added your own originality for example concerning the clans. It was great how everything fit.

 

Grammar/Spelling/Transitions 10/15

You have problems concerning your spelling and transitions. I tend to find spelling mistakes in each chapter as well as your transitions not being well formatted. My advice is to write it on word first so you can identify the spelling mistakes easily. Concerning your transitions, try not bundling events together. Use paragraphs to make things easier

 

Flow (speed of the story) 6/10

I think that the story was too fast. It was Hee jin’s first day of school and so many events already happened. Maybe it’s just me but I think that you should slow down a bit.

 

Choice of words/Idiom/quotes 8/10

You did well here. I had no problems.

 

Details/Settings/Characterization 12/15

I believe that you could’ve added more details and fixed the settings. As I read, I don’t really know what situation they’re in because they don’t have much detail. Settings aren’t well put. Detail your settings too, so people know what surroundings the characters are in. I have nothing against your characterization. The only thing you could’ve improved here is portraying the personalities of the characters much better.

 

Enjoyable? 7/10

I liked it.

 

Over All Score 74/100

superstar express by kristine reviewed by lyselmae

Title: Superstar Express

Author: Kristine

Link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/bittersweetkiss/

Status: On-Going

Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza @ AAC

 

*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer and/or vice versa. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.

 

Title 4/5

Your title is great and everything but since this is already a title of a drama, people tend to not read it because they think that it has the same plot as the actual drama. Try avoiding this next time. Also, make sure the title has a connection with the story. Since it’s only been 2 chapters, there isn’t much connection yet.

 

Forewords 7/10

Your forewards has everything when it comes to introduction of characters, background info, and summary. The only thing you’re probably missing is communication with readers. Try to talk to the readers for further encouragement in reading your story.

 

Plot 17/20

So far, your story is good. I just think that you’re going onto a track that might be hard to get out of. Try planning your plot out first.

 

Originality 2/5

I’ve read similar plots. But since you’re just starting the story, I’m not aware of what may happen in the future.

 

Grammar/Spelling/Transitions 10/15

This part is good. The only problem you have is that you mix your tenses up. Sometime it’s past, next thing you know it’s present… and in some cases you even have future tenses. Be sure to stick to only one.

 

Flow (speed of the story) 7/10

Your flow is ok… but then again, it’s only the beginning, so I should be so sure.

 

Choice of words/Idiom/quotes 8/10

Yours was in the middle of complex sentences and simple. It’s ok to stay there. It’s a preferable spot.

 

Details/Settings/Characterization 12/15

You could’ve added more detail concerning the personalities of the characteristics, details in settings, in their situations. Everything could’ve been more detailed. Be sure to update on this.

 

Enjoyable? 7/10

I like it so far.

 

Over All Score 74/100

Thank you for requesting at ArtsyAsianCrew.blogspot.com - AAC

viper (the story of my after life) reviewed by pararae

Title: The Story of My Afterlife

Author: Viper

Reviewer: Pararae

Site: http://artsyasiancrew.blogspot.com/

 

Title 4/5 the title is actually complements the story well and it lends a mood of angst in it even though the ending is funny but it’s a good trick of writing a story. ^^

 

Forewords 5/10 I don’t think there is a foreword but I take the author note you put before your story begin as one. The forewords doesn’t have much detail in it but you did mention that you wrote a short one-shot and gave links to your other stories. I didn’t think it’s important to write background, length, etc  in the forewords because technically the readers will know about it after they read the one-shot but I won’t dismiss the claim that if you write it in forewords, it will add up some marks. Your forewords are rather simple and clean. You didn’t even list down the characters which I think, is a wise way of writing a horror, comedy one-shot because you want the readers to find out by themselves. But try to put more detail in it, specifically a basic one like genre and a short intro to the story next time.  

 

Plot 19/20 Gosh! That’s all I can say after I read your story. I’ve read many kinds of horror stories before but this story is VERY rare. The story has an input of horror or suspense in it but it is also very simple to understand yet pleasing at the same time. Readers don’t need to think hard about the story line and you don’t get all deep into it to urge the readers to imagine the scene in their head. And the ending is the jackpot! At first, I was thinking you will be damned for sure for releasing Melissa but the supposedly tough looking guy happened to talk about studies and academic curriculum in heaven other than making a big fuss out of it. It cracked me up and I just can’t stop laughing after reading your story. It is really a nice read.

 

Originality 4/5 even though the plot is quite common but you extract the ordinary values in it by writing it in your own imaginative version. Instead of writing a story, you make it as if you are telling the readers your story face to face, like we are actually sitting around a campfire with you reading it out loud for us. It is simply a very intriguing style of writing.. Even though most people find it quite simple and common but I think it is very suitable for your kind of story and it actually make it more interesting and funny.  

 

Grammar/Spellings/Transitions 11/15 I can spot a few minor spelling errors in your story. For example, ‘She stood up and started walking toward s me.’ You shouldn’t give space for s after toward. It is supposedly spelled ‘towards’. You also tend to write the same mistakes twice. For example, “I had absolutely no idea where the voice wash coming from or what it meant.” It was supposed to be ‘I had absolutely no idea where the voice was coming from or what it meant.’ And another one is ‘But this guy just didn’t seem to melt at he sight.’ You supposed to write ‘But this guy just didn’t seem to melt at the sight.’ Is it nothing big, really. But minor mistakes can cause damage to your English skills. Maybe you should try to use spell check if you are using Microsoft Words to write or it will be better if you re-check your story manually because the mistakes is really actual words. However, your sentences are well-construct, bold and spontaneously written.

 

Flow 9/10 the flow is not too slow and not too fast. I think the flow is acceptable because you are writing a comedy horror not angst, hard-thinking horror. So, I don’t see any problem with the flow. It is going well and the ending fold precisely splendid.

 

Choice of Words/Idioms/Quotes 4/10 you don’t use any specific significant phrase in your story and all the sentences you wrote is simple and clean. Try to use wide variety of vocabularies in your descriptions but don’t make it sound awkwardly push. Just make it spontaneous but use widely range of words at the same time.

 

Details/Settings/Characterization 12/15 the characterization is simple and the readers can make up a random image of the character in their mind which make it simply appealing at the same time. A long, dragging collaboration of character’s background could bring boredom sometimes and I prefer it this way unless if you’re writing a mature, complicated or bittersweet story. You tend to use a short range of settings but you manipulated it in a way that you use it to the fullest. By placing your characters in many kind of random places is not good too because it will create confusion among the readers so a simple image of detailed background is acceptably fascinating.

 

Enjoyable 10/10 I truly, honestly and without a second or third or fourth thought…I DO enjoy your story! It is just so funny and nice! I like how the story begins. And it ends in a most unexpected way that keeps the readers in awe. So keep it up and try your best to become a good writer.

 

Over All Score 78/100

perfect sanctuary by shil reviewed by pararae

Title: Tell Me Why

Author: Shil

Reviewer: Pararae

Site: http://artsyasiancrew.blogspot.com

 

Title 4/5 the title you’ve chosen is a perfect complement for the story and it give out certain genre/mood to your story. If I would be stalking randomly around winglin for stories,   I would definitely click on your story. It is just so appealing.

 

Forewords 7/10 the foreword is almost complete and I love how neat forewords compile in one page. It’s easy to understand and make the content more organized because some writers tend to give messy and unorganized forewords so I really like a neat one. Your forewords have characters info, sneak peak/trailer for your story, author notes. But you miss genre, length, background etc, however, I find it unnecessary because you did say in your author note that it is a bittersweet romance and you did mention in your title that it is a ones-shot so it’s nothing to worry about there ^^

 

Plot 15/20 the plot is interesting and there’s certain scene in it that captivate the reader’s interest like when Taec came back with another girl with him and how the man character, Heejin respond to it. However, this kind of plot is quite cliché in overall but I find it interesting one how you insert some suspend and I can see your original idea in it too. I find it very intriguing on how you portrayed your character’s feeling and how well the story goes without going off the lane too much as you stick to your plot closely.

 

Originality 3/5 As I say, the plot is quite cliché because I find this kind of story many times but I can say this is a good story because you keep the character cool in their own role throughout the story and the happy ending is unusually sweet. ^^

 

Grammar/Spellings/Transitions 14/15 even though you said English is not your mother-tongue but I think your grammar and spelling is quite perfect. I can’t see any mistakes in spelling and such. Your sentences are well constructed and have a strong sense of intricate style in it. However, I’ve found a few minor mistakes in the punctuation marks you used like ”Alright, I’ll shower first and dress up”, I informed. You shouldn’t put a comma after quotation marks. It is supposed to be “Alright, I’ll shower first and dress up,” I informed. But it is just a minor error so try to re-check your story before you post it and you can also ask your friend to do it for you. ^^

 

Flow 9/10 the flow is going accurately stable. It is not so fast and not so slow too. Your flashback gives out the extension of time frame in your story and I think it’s going well with the story line too.

 

Choice of Words/Idioms/Quotes 7/10 the significant phrase you use in the story like heaven sanctuary somehow harmonizes your story structure and the way you picture Taec’s hug to Heejin is very romantically deep  and the readers can tell that she really love him and take everything regarding him seriously, even his hug. It’s very beautiful. ^^

 

Details/Settings/Characterization 13/15 you don’t really stick to one setting more than a scene but it create varieties in it and give colors to your story as well. Even though, the characterization is quite simple but it is acceptable because it is a one-shot so I think it will do just nicely and you also give reason to each action taken by the characters in your story and the respond gave by each character is really apparent and easy to understand.  

 

Enjoyable 8/10 I have to admit, I’m not really into a romantic happy ending story but after I read your story, I change my mind as you make it a realistic, easy, less complex, sweet romantic story so keep it up. ^^

 

Over All Score 8o/100

You never saw me by shimz reviewed by morning_glory

Title: You never saw me…

Author: ShimZ

Reviewer: morning_glory @ http://artsyasiancrew.blogspot.com/

 

 

• Title 5/5 This title is very fitting for your story so far, since Yunho doesn’t want to see Jae. But make sure that it stays as the theme, so that it fits with the rest of your story, too.
• Forewords 10/10 Your forewords was very informative in introducing your story, your characters, and yourself, so good job.
• Plot 20/20 This plot is very different from others I have read, so that’s good. There were no extra parts that shouldn’t have been, nor any boring parts. All in all, this plot was very well written.
• Originality 5/5 This story is the first I have heard where there were two guys that were forced into an engagement, so great job.

Grammar/Spelling/Transitions 8/15 You were right, your spelling and grammar is kind of hard to read. So, I have decided to give you some help, and I have corrected your forewords for you. If you want to improve on the rest of your story, you can go to season-of-mist.blogspot.com.

Sinopsis

Yunho were forced by his parents to be engaged with son of his family best friends but Yunho keep stating that he is NOT GAY to begin with and the engagement were useless. Even so, his parents keep on insisiting and finally he was engaged to the person name Kim Jaejoong.

Revised:

Synopsis:

Yunho was forced by his parents to be engaged with the son of his family’s best friends; but Yunho insists that he wasn’t GAY to begin with and the engagement was useless. Even so, his parents keep pressuring him and finally, he is engaged to that person, Kim Jaejoong.

•  
• Flow (speed of the story) 10/10 The speed of the story is at a pretty steady pace, not rushing, not dragging.
• Choice of words/Idiom/quotes 8/10 Your choice of words are well picked, but there could be more descriptive words used, to better describe a situation.
• Details/Settings/Characterization  11/15 Your details could be more, such as longer, or more in depth. Setting also, more detail. Your characterization, also. You have made Yunho the bad guy, and Jae the guy that is hurt, but there needs to be more detail than that.
• Enjoyable? 8/10 This fanfic was very interesting, and I am looking forward to the rest of it! J
• Over All Score 85/100

 

EXTRAS:

 

Praises: The characters you picked all fit together really well, and the plot was great, not boring, not common. J

Any specific part or quote you like:

Needs Recommendation? Yes, but just for grammar and spelling purposes.

Recommended Beta site: http://season-of-mist.blogspot.com/

marry you? no way by shimz reviewed by kyn

Note: This is just my opinion; don’t be discouraged because of your grade since, it is only the thoughts of one person.

 

Title:  2/5 

Although I can see the relation between the title and the story, I feel as if there are better titles for this story. It’s a phrase Jaejoong repeated a few times, but doesn’t convey the entire story, since they do get married. It also didn’t do much to attract me or build up any excitement over reading this fic.

 

Forewords:  5/10 

Rather than an introduction to your story, the forewords were the beginning. Chapter one continued from where your forewords ended. It didn’t give any information about the characters or plot.

 

Plot:  15/20

I think the way you developed the relationship between Jaejoong and Yunho was backward, it would have been better if you strengthened their relationship in the beginning instead of the middle/end.

 

Originality:  3/5 

Yoai or not this wasn’t too original. The basis of the story can be seen in a lot of stories on winglin. There were a few aspects of the story that were your though.

 

Grammar/Spellings/Transitions:  6/15

While reading I spotted an enormous amount of run on sentences, you could easily fixing that be making thoughts/ideas/phrases shorter, adding in comas, or just breaking it down into more than one sentence. I was trying to think of a different way to phrase this but there were a lot of simple and common mistakes in grammar. Use this segment from chapter three as an example of how you could improve your writing:

 

Jaejoong enter his final lecture for today and it’s already 2pm and jaejoong haven’t got his breakfast and lunch. Jaejoong in verge of hunger but he hold it because only today he has a full scedule of lecture and jaejoong is planning to get something to eat after this last lecture.

 

Jaejoong entered his final lecture for the day, it was already 2PM and he had not eaten breakfast or lunch. Jaejoong was on the verge of hunger, but he endured it only because his schedule was packed. He was planning on getting something to eat after his last lecture.

 

Flow:  5/10 

The flow felt inconsistent to me, at the beginning everything seemed rushed, Jaejoong accepting Yunho, the person he thought was psycho, and then falling for him as well. Everything moved way too fast. Even with that, it felt like some of the details were dragged out, and it became dull.

 

Choice of Words/Idioms/Quotes:  6/10 

Not much to make you stand out among other writers, the language was simple and easy to understand.

 

Details/Settings/Characterization:  9/15

There weren’t many details and I had trouble picturing a lot of the moments in the fic. You’re characters also lacked a lot of depth; I couldn’t see why they were doing the things they did, it seemed as if they were just going with the flow. There were also times were they didn’t even seem like themselves. Sorry if this part is hard to understand.

 

Enjoyable:  5/10

If I weren’t reviewing the story, I probably wouldn’t have continued to read it. It wasn’t bad, but there wasn’t much to keep me going.

 

Over All Score:  56/100

my 1/3 boyfriend by davinci486 reviewed by kyn

Note: This is just my opinion; don’t be discouraged because of your grade since, it is only the thoughts of one person.

 

Title:  1/5 

I don’t understand the title at all; I can’t see how it’s related to your story. Besides that it is the title of the manga you adopted the story from, so it lacked creativity and didn’t show your understanding of the manga.

 

Forewords:  1/10 

You said who the characters were and you had a tiny blurb about the story. It wouldn’t have been too bad if it weren’t copied. One Manga has the summary as “Kogure Yuuya takes an embarrassing picture of Fukada Rei, but he says he will only delete it if they meet again at the same place later. What will Rei do?” All you did was change the names.

 

Plot:  0/20

I probably would have given this an 18 if it weren’t copied. Everything, right down to the dialogue and thoughts were copied from the manga, it seems like plagiarizing to me, and that’s illegal.

 

Originality:  0/5 

Copied

 

Grammar/Spellings/Transitions:  0/15

Copied

 

Flow:  0/10 

Copied

 

Choice of Words/Idioms/Quotes:  0/10 

Copied

 

Details/Settings/Characterization:  0/15 

Copied

 

Enjoyable:  10/10

Even though the story had its faults, it was really cute. It was so interesting I went to read the manga, as you may have noticed from my comments in the other sections. But, what I enjoyed was the manga, not the fanfic. There is a difference between basing your story on something and copying it.

 

Over All Score:  12/100